Screw the “Ocean Breeze” and “Harbor Mist” candles we have lighted all over the house to mask the smells of Lysol and bleach (and Lysol with bleach). Screw the Lysol and bleach and Lysol with bleach that aren’t doing jack to combat the bioterrorists’ germ-smuggling capabilities. Screw the VapoRub-stained pajamas and towels and that awful smell. Screw the humidifiers that need to be refilled every 3 hours. Screw the children’s cold medicine — that I can only buy two bottles at a time, because I apparently live in meth valley? — that says “causes drowsiness” because damned if it’s making anyone around here drowsy but ME. Screw the DayQuil that knocks me out and the NyQuil that makes me teh stoopid. Screw the stupid sore throat from breathing through my mouth all night long. Screw this flu; I’m not messing around anymore. What’s that saying? Never bring a knife to a gunfight? Well, I’ve called in the big guns now. The Agent Orange of Cold & Flu Season: Hot and Sour soup. By the quart.
It. Is. ON.
