Waltz In Exile


Supererogative
2 June 2008, 11:28 am
Filed under: Goats | Tags: ,

You know, I don’t know how other moms do it.  I just don’t.  I walk around most of the time feeling like I’m barely doing enough to get my kids through childhood unscathed by anything major, let alone going over and above.  And then I see the kids whose moms or dads or both aren’t even doing what little I’m doing, and I just wonder how they sleep at night.  I shouldn’t be all judgmental; maybe they don’t sleep at night.  Maybe they’re doing the best they can do, which is really all I can claim (and some days, sadly, it’s probably not true that I’m doing my best…)

But then there are the days when the kids tell me they think I’m great (and some days, sadly, this has to do with having ice cream) and it just blows me away.  And I think Am I really doing an okay job here, or do they just not know any better….?  No wonder parents have to be sleep-deprived.  I’d implode from all the worrying if I got enough sleep to remember to do it all.

Mostly, it seems, I have to put on my WWND hat and try to distance myself a little bit and ask myself whether Nana would say I’m doing an all right job of it.  And sometimes, when I’m really in a quandary, I have to call my Dad and ask him what HE thinks.  Of course, then I wonder Shouldn’t I be able to do this without running to my parents….?  

And wow, how solipsistic can one person be, I bet you’re wondering…  Sorry.  It’s just that it’s P2’s first day of day camp and he was a wee bit anxious when I dropped him off and although I hugged him and told him to have a great day and pretended like Mommy wasn’t worried about him AT ALL, that was totally for show.  I’m skating the thin ice of a panic attack wondering if he’s okay.  Maybe Xanax parenting would be worth looking into….

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