Waltz In Exile

26 June 2008, 2:14 pm
Filed under: For Fun, Goats, P2 | Tags: , , ,

Hodge-Podge. Mish-Mash. Me throwing very short stories (barely anecdotes) together in one post without a cohesive theme. Here goes:

I guess she COULD really need a differential diagnosis

A co-worker of mine (let’s call her Tara [not her real name]) asked to borrow a DVD from me, so I brought it in with me yesterday. She came up to my office around 2:30 to pick it up. This morning, I heard her supervisor talking to another woman in my office, and the supervisor mentioned that Tara was out sick today and that “she came down with something late yesterday afternoon.” And I’m thinking to myself “Um, yeah, she came down with Season Two of House on DVD..!”

Euphemism central (because there are lots of things you can’t say around goats unless you want them repeated at very awkward times)

1) We don’t use the word “stupid” in my house. I don’t like that word. At ALL. (We don’t say “hate” either, LOL we just “don’t like that. AT ALL” a lot.) And although I think this is a good policy, it left me casting about for a different word to use whenever I encounter stupid things. So now, I have a horrible horrible habit of referring to things that are nonsense as “retarded.” (I KNOW! I said it was horrible!) I’m usually pretty PC about my word choices, but this one just comes flying out whenever I come across things that are beyond my ability to wrap my brain around (the Vigo County School Corporation, the library’s Voyager database stats tracking system, et cetera et cetera ad nauseum…) Thanks to an “Overheard” entry today, though, I can cease to call things “retarded.” Now, they’re “very, very Australian.”)
B) My friend Heather (yes, her real name) is at seminary in DC, so she is trying very hard to adapt her trucker mouth (hello, kettle? This is pot….) to her calling. Of course, living in DC can be a little tense at times, so the multi-purpose “Eff YOU!” has been pretty hard to cull from her speech. Last week, though, she had to deal with a very not helpful bookstore clerk while looking for a travel-sized Bible and finally ended her encounter by saying sweetly “I’ll just go to Cokesbury, then…” VOILA! The unacceptable FU has become “Go to Cokesbury!”
IV) Thanks to Tuesday’s Dilbert, I’ll never again have to say “when hell freezes over.” Henceforth, all questions that used to prompt that response will be answered with the charming “I’ll send you a widget…

Goat for Sale. Cheap!

This morning, after we dropped off the Princess, P2 and I were alone in the car on our way to drop him off at day camp. It’s warm hot and swampy here in the Haute today and he’s going to be outside a lot today since he’s doing a fishing trip, so I picked out a pair of soccer shorts and a lightweight white t-shirt for him to wear (Yes, I know he can dress himself. But A) I get tired of the Spider-Man wardrobe, and 2) Goat-dressing is a recognized and respected rodeo sport; why shouldn’t I get as much practice as I can?) We chatted happily in the car for a few minutes about his day ahead. It must have been just too sweet and fun and wholesome for my sarcastikid to handle, because when I did my Mom-as-Pollyanna “You’re really going to have a great day!” bit (once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader, I guess) all of a sudden, his eyes did that sparkly thing they do when his wicked sense of humor surfaces, and he said “Well, yeah. If you hadn’t made me wear this totally lame shirt, anyway.”


4 Comments so far
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Haha –> I’m soooo going to start saying those euphemisms… hanging out with guys has really ruined my vocabulary, sort of giving me Sky Diver Mouth (Sky Divers are just as bad as truckers [if not worse] when it comes to swearing, [i should know, i dated one]). But yes, those euphimisms will be very useful.

Comment by Steff

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