Oh, My. GOD.
I knew today was going to be different. But I had no idea HOW different.
I rolled out of bed at 7:40 this morning. Had an uninterrupted shower (unheard of!) Had an uninterrupted breakfast (it’s amazing how quickly one can eat if one isn’t constantly retrieving things for others during the meal! And not having to referee the daily “who got more bananas in their cereal” argument? PRICELESS.) Got into the car feeling like I was forgetting something. Realized I only had to fasten my own seatbelt and laughed like a lunatic. Started to turn right at the cross street when I realized I could actually go straight to work. Laughed like a lunatic again. Drove the 2.18 miles to work feeling like I was forgetting something because I didn’t have to stop once (let alone twice) along the way. Got to work 20 minutes early. Started to laugh like a lunatic for the third time but thought I’d better try to control myself lest I become hysterical even before I had mah coffee. I could get used to this.
This is going to be the best summer EVER.
No one answers when I call the house. Am now slightly worried that the goats have overpowered the nanny (all jumped-up on high-sugared non-breakfast foods from the top pantry shelf [oh, please, you know you have them in your house, too]) and now the inmates are in charge of the asylum. Perhaps I better go home for lunch.
Forgot that PA is off today because he had to work Friday. No longer worried that the goats have overpowered the nanny. Now worried that an intruder has all of them shackled together in the basement and is making off with any items of value he/she can find. (Good luck with that.) Definitely going home for lunch. May take lunch a little early, actually. Like now.
PA called. All anxiety has been alleviated. However, with it goes all comic potential for further fantastical rant-worrying on my part. Of course, he could be lying. According to him, no one has had any junk food, not every television in the house is on, and they’re all playing together nicely. Which, come on, even if someone were filming an episode of the wretched purple dinosaur show in my house, THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN. So obviously he’s lying. Perhaps he is under duress. What if — Oh, NO! WHAT IF he was using benign-sounding chitchat as CODE, hoping that I would immediately know something was up? Going home for lunch. Going NOW.
Decided to stay on campus and have a leisurely lunch instead of racing around checking on things at home. My imagination was running away with me, I’m sure. After all, PA is there, too. And the whole point of having the nanny was to give me a little bit of “Mommy Time” and make this summer easier, right? Well, taking 15 minutes out of my lunch break on the first day seems like I would be setting a bad precedent. God I hope no one’s in shackles when I get home.
Either someone has abducted them or I am in the wrong house. It is quiet. It is clean. There are no goats gamboling around the living room. There is no one downstairs at all. Am almost afraid to go upstairs. Think will sit right here in clean, empty living room and gather my remote all to myself courage.
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