Filed under: Goats, Graduate School, Working Mom | Tags: grad school, Metablogging, Working Moms
There’s a fantastic philosophy about non-profit blogging that states that you can’t let blogging about your life get in the way of living your life. And I’d like to say that that is exactly why I haven’t posted in so long. I’d love to say that, actually, because it might make me seem way more together than I am. However, that would be a big fat lie. I haven’t been too busy living my life to blog; I’ve been too busy having life kick my ass. I get up in the morning and I’m already behind. I spend the day frantically crossing things off of my to-do list but I’m getting nowhere. It’s almost like my signature on those grad school loans enacted some curse (Codex Infinitum?) and every time I draw a line through an item, the list adds more stuff all by itself.
So it’s crazy here, which shouldn’t surprise those of you who know me “in real life.” Crazy is pretty much the status quo chez Waltz. You might say I’m wearing too many hats. Well, you might not say that. I hate that saying, myself. As if I need to worry about accessorizing on top of everything else I’m doing over here. Although if I did have a bunch of hats, I could cut down on all the hair maintenance that my fabulous new ‘do requires…. That would be nice. Maybe what I need, then, is MORE hats. Are more hats? Are more hats. Anyone out there with an extra hat you want to send to me? You know, after you get done filing the paperwork to have me committed because I’m so fractured and schizo that I can’t even finish a paragraph without taking so many tangents that it’s impossible to follow…? It could be worse, though. I could still be on my Olympic Find-“F”-Replace-With-“PH” kick that you all enjoyed so much. And by “you all” I mean anyone who’s still reading this post, even. (Hi, Dad.)
To sum up, then – I’m a nutjob with so much to do that I feel like I’m made of a thousand pieces and barely holding it together. Who is now stating the obvious. But I have been thinking about blogging, and about you, dear readers (all eleven of you) and making a list (another one!) called “Bloggable?” This morning, I realized that there’s really no better way to show you just how many tiny tiny pieces comprise the new Master’s Candidate Me Who Doesn’t Have Time To Post than to give you a glimpse (edited for length, and also to cull the more embarrassing thoughts):
- Goat #2 has been going through a phase for the past month that is making me crazy. No matter how carefully we word a reprimand to address misbehaviors, her immediate response is to say “You don’t love me anymore?” And no matter how many times I say “I love you always, but biting/hitting/kicking/throwing things at your brother’s head/getting out of bed 14,000 times is not acceptable” she just cries and says again “You don’t love me anymore?” And then I question if she is just a master manipulator (which makes me feel like a cynical and horrible mom) or if I am failing so badly to cherish my daughter that she genuinely perceives my displeasure at the biting/hitting/kicking/throwing/getting up as “Mama doesn’t love me” (which makes me feel like a wretched and horrible mom.) Words of encouragement more than welcome here, folks (aka “Dad”). You know, after you get off the phone with Child Protective Services. At some point, this item will be its own post. But when I explore this idea, it gets very tangled up in a lot of what I call “Mom stuff” and so far, I’ve only been brave enough to open up that box on the blog one time, and I’m still a little raw from it. So this one needs to wait a while.
- I admit I watched Sarah Palin’s acceptance speech last week. And that’s all I’m saying about that, because I can think of at least 4 readers who have different ideologies from mine, and seeing how I can’t even disagree with my daughter’s behavior without alienating her, I’m not about to pretend I’m a master polemicist when it comes to political discourse. Actually, I will say one more thing. Regardless of anyone’s views, I am more than willing to be civil and listen with an open mind (yes, even if I think you are wrong, wrong, wrong). The thing is, only one candidate is going to win in November. But just because I may have a different worldview from the winner doesn’t mean that I have to give up that worldview. It may mean compromise and negotiation, instead. And knowing that I may need to compromise and negotiate means I need to listen to and learn from people with different views in the meantime. I think this one will be a post after the election results are in.
- My grocery list seems to have been Codex Infinitumed (Infinited?), too. Doesn’t matter how carefully I list the necessary items, when I get home, there will be something that we need that I did not get because it was not on my list. This one doesn’t deserve to be a post of its own. Unless I uncover a conspiracy to be causing it. And I could.
- Private school agrees with Goat #1. A lot. Private school is a veritable Yes Man to Goat #1. We’re not having quite the same experience with Goat #2, though. I can’t articulate the problem(s) yet, because I’m still stuck in my emotional “Miss ___ is a bitch on wheels who shouldn’t be in charge of three year olds” response. So until I have something constructive and rational to say, this one won’t be a post. But I wanted to share my misery with you, in case anyone had some advice to give. Also, if you’re capable of giving advice to such a vague, unspecific situation, you should be my new shrink.
- Today’s Candorville cracked me up. Also, it made me wonder if one of Bejewell’s new freelance gigs is guest-writing the strip. Because her brain works that way. If I tried to turn this into a post, it would get caught up in #2 above, or, barring that, just end up being a love letter to bejewell. On indefinite hold, then.
- Entourage premieres its new season tonight on HBO. I have been waiting all summer for this. I love those misogynistic, solipsistic boys. I would so hang out with them if I could. Or if they were, you know, real people. This one can’t be a post, because MommyPie beat me to it.
- Oh. My. God. Goat Daddy just poked his head into the office to ask me if I knew where his hat was. I couldn’t have made up a better ending to this post myself.
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