Waltz In Exile

12 September 2008, 2:49 pm
Filed under: Exile, Family, Goats, P2 | Tags: ,

Goat #1 started at a private school this year. After our uberfrustrating, inspiration-killing, mind-numbingly boring experience with public school in Exile, we knew we couldn’t risk him going back to that environment. So we did our due diligence (on the 3 whopping private school options available here in the Haute) and enrolled him in the one that was the best fit for our family. When we looked into private schools, we discovered that all of the options were religious schools. Not being Catholic (and not being willing to shoulder tuition payments more than 6 times higher than parish members) we eliminated the Catholic school almost immediately. Our other two options were very similar, but one had a preschool that Goat #2 could attend, so that tipped the scales in its favor.

So far, it has proven to be an excellent decision. It is everything we wanted for him when he started school, except a year late: there are only 9 students in his class, so he’s getting a lot of positive attention from the teacher; the curriculum is more challenging, so he’s not bored and acting up like last year; and when he finishes his work, no one expects him to sit quietly doing nothing in his chair. He can read or draw, so long as he is quiet, until the other students finish. He’s engaged and learning and HAPPY.

There is, however, one part of the curriculum where he’s not quite up to snuff: his Bible study class. It’s our fault. We haven’t made enough of much of any effort to find a church here. The Goats’ minimal Bible knowledge can probably be attributed to Veggie Tales movies and books.

We’re not complete heathens. We pray. We say Grace. We talk about God and Jesus. We have children’s Bibles. But the full KJV? Not so much. I mean, we have them. We just haven’t read to the kids from them. And until now, that’s been okay. But Goat #1 has an oral exam of Bible knowledge on Monday, and if our recent review session is any indication, we’re about to be SO OUTED as the worst parents in the whole school:

Q: Who were Isaac’s parents, and how old were they when he was born?

Actual answer: Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100.

Goat #2 answer: Sarah was 90 and Abraham Lincoln was 100.


Q: What gifts were given to Jesus by the Wise Men?

Actual answer: Gold, Frankincense, & Myrrh

Goat #2 answer: Gold, Frankenstein, & a mirror


Q: Who were the first apostles Jesus called to follow him?

Actual answer: Peter, Andrew, James, John

Goat #2 answer: Peter, Andrew, James Bond


Q: Who were the three sons of Noah?

Actual answer: Shem, Ham, & Japheth

Goat #2 answer: Shemp, Ham, & Jeff


Q: Who were the twin sons of Isaac and Rebekah?

Actual answer: Jacob and Esau

Goat #2 answer: Jacob and Seesaw


So probably, we ought to work on this with him so that the Biblical words and names are more familiar to him than presidents, movie monsters, reflective glass, spies, stooges, a random guy named Jeff, and playground equipment. Or maybe we just need to clean out his ears.

Regardless, I think we’re about to learn a lot around here. And that’s never a bad thing.


12 Comments so far
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As a 13-year Catholic school veteran, I’m often surprised at how much Biblical knowledge slipped itself into the folds of my brain. For instance, my Chosen Person of a husband knows less about the generalities of the Old Testament than I do.

The Hebrew Husband has expressed interest in sending our hypothetical/future kids to Catholic school (in this area the most affordable and best private education). I’ve often wondered if, should they go to Catholic school, whether we will have a similar Q&A session to the above.

I find it odd (not good or bad, just odd) to think about raising our hypothetical/future kids outside of that context. It’s just a given to me that I know not only who Esau and Jacob were, but that I know how their feud started, where it ultimately led, and why it was so damn important in the history of humanity (in this iteration of that story). Sometimes I wonder how my world view would be different if I didn’t gauge the ancient past by the Judeo-Christian storyline. (I don’t mean that in a “Dinosaurs Lived 4,000 Years Ago or There Is Not Enough Evidence That They Were Real” way. Obviously. I mean, for example, my first association with the word “Egyptian” being “Moses.” You wouldn’t necessarily think that about me, but 13 years is a looong time.)

It was just not obvious to me how far behind we were in this part of the Goats’ education. And it’s about to be obvious to a lot more people, sadly.

Comment by Cynical Nymph

Consider yourself Stumbled!

I myself am a veteran of a private xtian school in So Cal. I loved every minute of it. Especially considering, way back then, we had McDonald’s brought in every Friday for lunch! Yes Ma’am! We had a choice of a hamburger, cheeseburger, or fish filet sandwich, accompanied by either milk, apple juice or water. And we always had a choice of apples, berries, raisins or melons, for a fruit.

Not to bash the public education system, because living where we do, it’s a very good system…but I can’t say that its that way across the board. Regardless though, the Little Imp will go to private school.

Comment by Auds at Barking Mad

Um, I go to church and have rather regularly for a handful of years (I didn’t grow up going), and I swear to you (perhaps on a stack of Bibles) that there’s practically no way I could pass a quiz on Biblical matters!

Comment by foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)

at least his answers are funny? I think he should get bonus points for that.

Comment by Jen E

So when I was younger we went to a church that had something called Junior Bible Quiz (JBQ). I memorized so much Bible trivia for that! I think I earned the gold sticker by the time I finished, and with my sisters earned our church 2nd place in the tournament thing. And reading those questions, my goodness I have forgotten a LOT!

We were poor so thankfully our public school district was very high ranked. I went private for undergrad, it was interesting, lol.

Comment by Karen

Now, I am a godless heathen so, you know, keep that in mind. But I don’t think these answers are so bad. He had the general idea. It’s not like any of his responses involved Dora. Give him some credit.

Comment by aliasmother

Now first I think this shows just how much of a failure his Godmother and Godfather are (sorry Ferg). That being said it should also be noted that his Godmother, who is currently in seminary remember, grew up convinced that God’s name was Harold (you know, our Father in heaven, Harold be thy name). And further she looked at her Hebrew professor (yes the one that told her she was stacked while standing in the ruins of Herodium) like he was growing two heads when he asked her a basic Hebrew Bible fact…because she could not remember the answer for the life of her. I agree with Aliasmother – give him some credit and I also will accept the blame of failing to fulfill the basic requirements of Godmotherhood.

Comment by Heather

That is SO adorable. I think he’s got the spirit of the whole thing. My 11 yr old son recently discovered a verse in the Bible about aliens and he gets SUCH a kick out of it.

Comment by Jennie C.

Oh – and by the picture we can see that Goat #1 is receiving appropriate education in the area of which team to root for! There are priorities here. Tee hee.

Comment by Heather

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[…] Goat #1’s homework load.  There is reading homework every night.  Additionally, thanks to some silly program called “Book It!” there is “Book It!” reading every night that has to be logged (titles of books, amount of time.)  We have to drill spelling words every night for the weekly test.  We also have to drill the writing (printing and cursive) of these words every night.  We have to drill math every night for the weekly test.  I have to sign and date a homework folder every day, noting what we did.  And Sundays and Tuesdays, we have to drill the Bible trivia to prepare for quizzes in Chapel on Mondays and Wednesdays. (This is much less fun now that he no longer thinks James Bond was an apostle.) […]

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[…] him when he sang the song for me. No, he did not listen. This is, after all, the kid who gave us James Bond as an apostle. No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI […]

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