Waltz In Exile

13 November 2008, 11:38 pm
Filed under: Family, Goats, P2, P3, Thankful Thursdays | Tags: , ,

This one’s for you, KD.


My gratitude muscle is a little atrophied, but here goes:

  • I’m thankful that I didn’t give in to impulse and bodily push Goat #1 out the door this morning and make him walk to school even though I really wanted to and the little jerk would have deserved it.
  • I’m thankful that the epic goat tandem meltdowns forced Goat Daddy to actually lose his shit for once this morning because it’s hard work being the only shit-losing parent the majority of the time and also because when he loses his shit those little terrorists JUMP. TO. IT.
  • I’m thankful I only spilled coffee on my pants and not my shirt when I left my stupid coffee mug on the stupid dashboard of the stupid Vinnieman and put the stupid thing in stupid reverse and stupid Newton’s stupid laws of physics made it fly right at me and burn my stupid self because at least it was just my thighs and not my breasts.*
  • I’m thankful the mean stinky feline has stopped peeing in my leather chair but this doesn’t mean I’m giving her any credit for it because I had to drape a vinyl bedsheet over it to get her to stop and now I can’t sit in my favorite chair without moving it all the damn time or sitting there and listening to that annoying crinklecrinklecrinkle every time I even think about moving.
  • I’m thankful I even had a vinyl bedsheet to use, since it used to be on the 3-year-old’s bed because I realized one night at 8:30 that we were out of pull-ups and dammit it was about time for her to sleep in panties anyway, right? and well, that was an entire pigheaded week of being up at 3:00 am with a soaking stinking 3-year-old standing next to my bed so I broke down and just bought more pull-ups and VOILA, vinyl bedsheet available for stinky cat pee duty.
  • I’m thankful that Goat #1’s very very loose tooth didn’t actually fall out today because even though it’s been on the verge of falling out for an entire week the Tooth Fairy has yet to find that stash of Eisenhower dollars and is apparently too lazy to go to the bank and so we are still woefully unprepared to fumble ineptly under his pillows and wake him up in the process.

Hunh. I sorta suck at this. Let me try something a little different and stop with the bullet points.

Most mornings, when I get back from spilling coffee on myself while driving my ungrateful wretches to their various locales, I take another cup of coffee and the laptop out to the front porch, where we have two amazing Adirondack chairs for which I am super-duper thankful. The weather is about to prevent me from enjoying my schoolwork al fresco, but it hasn’t yet, for which I am also super-duper thankful.** And every morning, when I pick up the laptop and my empty coffee cup to go back inside and get my second full cup of coffee and don’t have enough hands to lock the front door behind me and set the alarm all I can think is I’m so. glad. I don’t live in that upscale but apparently crime-ridden suburban neighborhood like that lady in the ADT commercials who has to wave goodbye to her departing husband from her front porch and cannot go inside to do the dishes without deadbolting her front door and setting her alarm system. Cuz that would really suck.

Okay, that’s all I got this week. Please tune in for this feature again next Thursday, by which time I will have hopefully gotten the hell over myself.***


*Sweet six pound, four ounce baby Jesus. I sound like a bucket of fried chicken.

**Also super-duper thanks to the genius who invented wifi, without whom this would be impossible.

***It could happen.


10 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Today, I’m thankful for your blog. Because I feel so much less alone.

Comment by Steph

I am in complete agreement: Burned breasts are baaaaaad. 😉

To quote you: “Sweet six pound, four ounce baby Jesus” THIS POST IS FUNNY!!

Love it, love it!!

Comment by lesleykim

I am proud of you. And be ready for the squirrel. He iz cumn’ fer u.

Comment by kd@abitsquirrelly

Don’t forget to be thankful for GREEN BEANS!

Comment by Tranny Head

I think your current header would make Niecey fall in love with Goat #1, though it would likely be a shallow love since she would probably just want him for his stuffed animals, which is possibly something to be thankful for…

Comment by Karen

I am grateful that someone else refers to their kids as terrorists besides me.

Comment by thebenevolentdictator

I am thankful for a good laugh in the middle of it all. Thanks for that.

Comment by Sus

So I leave the country, and your life goes haywire? I should probably just stick around, then. This CAN’T be a coincidence.

Comment by Cynical Nymph

I’m thankful I fianlly peaked at this blog – I’ve seen you around on the ‘rolls. This was just the wit I needed with my third cup of coffee. Now I have the energy to get on with the day.

Comment by smalltownsmalltimes

“…that was an entire pigheaded week of being up at 3:00 am with a soaking stinking 3-year-old standing next to my bed so I broke down and just bought more pull-ups…”

Yup. Me too.

Comment by Trenches of Mommyhood

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